“You’re nothing but a pack of cards!” Alice in Wonderland
I have two thoughts I want to write about in this post. The first is a reminder that if you are similar to me in dealing with seizures triggered by technology, you may need to make sure the resolution on your computer and phone are turned down. While it makes the page harder to see, it may keep you from having a seizure.
Yesterday, I sat down in front of the computer to do some research after my computer updated. I wasn’t thinking about what happens in an update. As I began to work, I felt that internal “seizure” snake within my gut and chest begin to twist around my spine. Kind of like a Kundalini event gone very badly.
I left the computer when I figured out what was happening and ran to the bathroom where I looked in the mirror. I saw my seizure face: one eye huge, the other squinted, the right side of my face seemed to be melting. It’s not a good look for me.
I hurried into the living room and hit the control button on my television remote to turn on the yoga DVD. Please, please, please CALM DOWN is not really a good mantra, but it was what was happening anyway. I pushed myself through the yoga until I felt like I was slowly uncoiling that snake from within my chest. I can’t actually avert a seizure, but I can try to deal with my body when I’m having one.
And all of that was triggered by an update on the computer. The update returned the settings to the factory recommendations. You may need to monitored these settings if you think you might have any problem. Resolution and brightness should be as low as you can comfortably go. The blue light filter that is supposed to help with vision issues should be turned on. If you have Windows 10, you can find the blue light filter by running a search for “night light”.
The second incident was not triggered. It snuck up on me and became so braided into my thinking that I almost missed it. People without TLE will read this and think, “What the Hell!” but those of you with this particular expression of the disease will understand. I am sharing it because we need to share these things so they don’t become bigger than they actually are.
It started when I was listening to a phone conversation. It was early morning and I had my earpiece in, listening to a person on the other end of the line talk about a car repair. I was feeling some nerve pain that morning. Not a lot, but enough to put my teeth a bit on edge. I have nerve damage on the right side of my body. Whether the nerve damage is from seizures or from the drugs doctors prescribed to stop them is not clear. But I frequently have some level of pain, so I have learned how to distract my mind by doing two things at once. Most of the time it works.
This particular morning, I decided to look at silver US Peace dollars on Etsy while I was on the phone. Peace dollars were designed by Anthony de Francisci. They were minted between 1921 and 1928 and then again in 1934 and 1935. The face on a Peace dollar is that of the Goddess of Liberty (also depicted on the Statue of Liberty in New York harbor). She is the personification of the concept of liberty. She is beautiful, doubly so since I appreciate the beauty of the art and because I am a coin collector and often associate the mint dates with particular events in world history.
So here I was, on the phone listening through my earpiece to someone telling me about car repairs, I had some pain and I was looking at these Peace dollars on Etsy. As I listened and looked I began to feel something emotional going on within me. The coins–no correction, the women on the coins–were reaching out to me emotionally, telepathically, and visually, imploring me to buy them and, therefore, save them. Some looked sad, others looked undernourished, and still others looked trapped. The face of each dollar looked different at that point.
They each looked different, which is what you would expect from a coin, and they were talking to me while I was still on the phone in this conversation about fixing a car. At that point I realized what was happening, but the pull of the dollars was pretty strong. I knew they were just minted silver, but I didn’t FEEL that they were inanimate. They were communicating with me, I argued. My clearer self said, No, you are going to have a seizure. Too bad, I rather liked the thought of helping them. Although I doubt I would have been so happy when the bill came for “saving” all these graded coins.
Still there it is. It did indeed sneak up on me. I could carry on a moderately normal conversation while having delusions that the coins were in some kind of coin slavery situation.
You have to be alert. No matter how long you’ve felt great, no matter what you are using to control your seizures, no matter how confident you are that it is all behind you. Your internal watchdog should always be on alert, but at the same time it shouldn’t bite.
Awareness and kindness. A better mantra, don’t you think?