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Who among us, dealing with epilepsy on a daily basis, does not have the “OMG this isn’t really me” moment? It can happen several times a day, every day, for me.
My most recent OMG moment happened at a friend’s house. My daughter was planning to order a special necklace to celebrate the upcoming birth of her second child. My friend specializes in custom jewelry. I decided to tag along for fun. I used to be in the jewelry business, and I miss being around the sparklies.
When I went into her showroom, I was listening to the conversation and looking at the pieces on display. My attention was all about what they were doing and not on my condition.
Fifteen minutes later, I began to feel horrible. My head felt like I had a live wire inside. My eyes felt frozen and unmoving, as did my legs. I got sick at my stomach. Along with all of this physical discomfort came an impending feeling of dread.
I looked up and saw a large fluorescent light fixture at least a yard long, surrounded by ten small fluorescent spotlights. They were all on. I looked around the room and noticed for the first time that everything except the furniture was white. The walls were white, the display pieces for the jewelry were white, the linen tablecloth over the main table was white. I was surrounded by bright lights and white. The room was about to give me a seizure.
OMG. All I could think about as I stumbled out the door was that this couldn’t possibly be me. I had been in her showroom many times. I had worked in environments just as brightly lit. All the information I knew about my condition just evaporated, leaving me with this strange feeling as if I were Alice in the room that was too small, wondering how she got that way.